The seventh podcast from The Sporting Owl is packed with a preponderance of Paralympics ponderings. After bidding a fond farewell to Andrew Strauss, Tom and Ria guide you through some of the exciting events and superstar athletes to watch out for at the BIGGEST PARALYMPICS EVER!
Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Paralympics sports for dummies, by dummies
We at Owl Towers are looking forward to the forthcoming Paralympics for a veritable plethora of reasons, but primarily because we'll get to feast our beady eyes on some sports we're less familiar with. For those as uneducated as we are, we thought we'd do the public service of providing you with a guide to Paralympics-only sports in ten words or fewer.
BOCCIA - like bowls, teams or individuals throw balls at a jack.
FOOTBALL (FIVE-A-SIDE) - visually-impaired teams in blindfolds try to score. Crowd silent.
FOOTBALL (SEVEN-A-SIDE) - players have cerebral palsy. Teams comprised of varying disability classifications.
GOALBALL - like handball, with visually-impaired teams in blindfolds. Crowd silent.
POWERLIFTING - competitors classified by weight, try to bench-press heaviest barbell.
SITTING VOLLEYBALL - body part between bum and shoulder touches court during shot.
WHEELCHAIR BASKETBALL - five-a-side, must throw/bounce ball after two pushes of wheelchair.
WHEELCHAIR FENCING - wheelchairs fastened to platform, competitors fence foil, sabre or epee.
WHEELCHAIR RUGBY - Murderball. Players must pass/score a try in ten seconds.
WHEELCHAIR TENNIS - Same as tennis, but ball can bounce twice, not once.
If you fancy a more in-depth guide detailing every sport in the Paralympics, check out the Guardian's very informative article here. Once you've done that, you can make yourself sound like a true expert by boning up on the potential stars of the Games, making you an asset to any Opening Ceremony party.
BOCCIA - like bowls, teams or individuals throw balls at a jack.
FOOTBALL (FIVE-A-SIDE) - visually-impaired teams in blindfolds try to score. Crowd silent.
FOOTBALL (SEVEN-A-SIDE) - players have cerebral palsy. Teams comprised of varying disability classifications.
GOALBALL - like handball, with visually-impaired teams in blindfolds. Crowd silent.
POWERLIFTING - competitors classified by weight, try to bench-press heaviest barbell.
SITTING VOLLEYBALL - body part between bum and shoulder touches court during shot.
WHEELCHAIR BASKETBALL - five-a-side, must throw/bounce ball after two pushes of wheelchair.
WHEELCHAIR FENCING - wheelchairs fastened to platform, competitors fence foil, sabre or epee.
WHEELCHAIR RUGBY - Murderball. Players must pass/score a try in ten seconds.
WHEELCHAIR TENNIS - Same as tennis, but ball can bounce twice, not once.
If you fancy a more in-depth guide detailing every sport in the Paralympics, check out the Guardian's very informative article here. Once you've done that, you can make yourself sound like a true expert by boning up on the potential stars of the Games, making you an asset to any Opening Ceremony party.
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Our predictions for the new Premier League season
Having stared intently into our crystal ball for your edification, we posted our Premier League predictions on our Twitter feed yesterday afternoon. Just in case you missed them, here's a quick recap.
Arsenal - Arsene Wenger refuses to risk coming out of his meticulously-constructed pillow fort. Nelson Vivas replaces him
Aston Villa - players and fans unable to cope with blinking emergence from ennui cocoon. Rash of suicides hampers cup run. 9th
Chelsea - bench-warmers David Luiz and Frank Lampard develop intuitive bond and tour the world with their knife-throwing act
Everton - clerical error causes David Moyes to be sold to raise funds for Moyes to invest. Moyes buys himself back in January
Fulham - Clint Dempsey unmasked as gruesome serial killer terrorising well-to-do West London. FA suspends him for four games
Liverpool - Brendan Rodgers uses loophole to sell Andy Carroll into slavery between transfer windows. Hailed as masterstroke
Man City - Samir Nasri retires to concentrate on organic honey farming. No-one notices. Nasri: "I love bees. They speak to me"
Man Utd - misunderstanding with Asian marketing strategists sees players' feet bound and Rafael killed to save his brother
Newcastle - the club is nationalised. Consequent overemployment causes controversy as Alan Pardew uses 73 players in one match
Norwich - iconic scenes as Chris Hughton celebrates another "unlucky" sacking. "This is everything I could have hoped for"
QPR - Joey Barton's loan unleashes closet academics. Clint Hill publishes treatise advocating adherence to Hegelian dialectic
Reading - Pavel Pogrebnyak blames addiction to stamp collecting for loss of focus after relegation. "Philately got me nowhere"
Southampton - star Gaston Ramirez emigrates on finding that capybaras are not native to England. "I cannot live without them"
Spurs - hopes of European place dashed after Gareth Bale accidentally reports himself fit to play a qualifying match for Wales
Stoke - questions asked as Ryan Shawcross eats Ashley Young. Tony Pulis: "It was an accident. He's not that kind of player"
Sunderland - Martin O'Neill improves attacking options by signing a statue of Emile Heskey and a beach ball. League Cup glory
Swansea - Michel Vorm loses focus after being installed as First Minister of Wales in a bloodless coup. Difficult 2nd season
West Brom - new manager Steve Clarke attributes mid-table finish to team spirit generated by vigorous homoerotic calisthenics
West Ham - Sam Allardyce's belief system rocked as world fails to end. "If the Mayans were wrong, maybe we should try passing"
Wigan - Dave Whelan unrepentant as Wigan survive by hiding mines and trapdoors in their pitch. "Home advantage is crucial"
Arsenal - Arsene Wenger refuses to risk coming out of his meticulously-constructed pillow fort. Nelson Vivas replaces him
Aston Villa - players and fans unable to cope with blinking emergence from ennui cocoon. Rash of suicides hampers cup run. 9th
Chelsea - bench-warmers David Luiz and Frank Lampard develop intuitive bond and tour the world with their knife-throwing act
Everton - clerical error causes David Moyes to be sold to raise funds for Moyes to invest. Moyes buys himself back in January
Fulham - Clint Dempsey unmasked as gruesome serial killer terrorising well-to-do West London. FA suspends him for four games
Liverpool - Brendan Rodgers uses loophole to sell Andy Carroll into slavery between transfer windows. Hailed as masterstroke
Man City - Samir Nasri retires to concentrate on organic honey farming. No-one notices. Nasri: "I love bees. They speak to me"
Man Utd - misunderstanding with Asian marketing strategists sees players' feet bound and Rafael killed to save his brother
Newcastle - the club is nationalised. Consequent overemployment causes controversy as Alan Pardew uses 73 players in one match
Norwich - iconic scenes as Chris Hughton celebrates another "unlucky" sacking. "This is everything I could have hoped for"
QPR - Joey Barton's loan unleashes closet academics. Clint Hill publishes treatise advocating adherence to Hegelian dialectic
Reading - Pavel Pogrebnyak blames addiction to stamp collecting for loss of focus after relegation. "Philately got me nowhere"
Southampton - star Gaston Ramirez emigrates on finding that capybaras are not native to England. "I cannot live without them"
Spurs - hopes of European place dashed after Gareth Bale accidentally reports himself fit to play a qualifying match for Wales
Stoke - questions asked as Ryan Shawcross eats Ashley Young. Tony Pulis: "It was an accident. He's not that kind of player"
Sunderland - Martin O'Neill improves attacking options by signing a statue of Emile Heskey and a beach ball. League Cup glory
Swansea - Michel Vorm loses focus after being installed as First Minister of Wales in a bloodless coup. Difficult 2nd season
West Brom - new manager Steve Clarke attributes mid-table finish to team spirit generated by vigorous homoerotic calisthenics
West Ham - Sam Allardyce's belief system rocked as world fails to end. "If the Mayans were wrong, maybe we should try passing"
Wigan - Dave Whelan unrepentant as Wigan survive by hiding mines and trapdoors in their pitch. "Home advantage is crucial"
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