Samuel L. Jackson is our new favourite Olympic commentator.
He seems to have taken a short sabbatical from wrangling snakes and quoting silly Bible passages for narrative convenience. For two weeks, he's a patriotic superfan jacked up on wall-to-wall sport and he's not afraid to nail his colours to the mast. Take a look at these highlights from his verified Twitter account and see for yourself.
"PHELPS WALKS em' DOWN!!! Came & got that ASS! OLYMPIC RULER!! Last race Maggie!! MOSTMUFFAQUATICPFUQQAH of ALL TIME! GOLD!!! Go USA!"
"Awwwright!!! We bout to get some fairer sex IRON RAISIN'!"
"Men's Rapid Fire Pistol is Off da Chain! The glasses, da Gats...no Recoil! Steady hands & nobody's holdin' their shit SIDEWAYS!"
"SERENA WINS GOLD!!!! Bizzy cleaning off the toe of her shoe afta kicking ALL that Sharapova ass! Go USA!"
"Dog eat Dog Ping Pong match! Ball scrapes edge of the table, blind Judge blows the call! Dude won Anyway! China vs China."
"Now hold up, the Russian girl FELL OFF the Beam, Ally stayed up...Bronze for....WTF?! Tim's prolly happy, jeez all up in that Russian Ass!"
"Well, sometimes the Weights fight back! Chinese champion OUT!! Weight Wasn't Even trying to be Lifted!!"
"Women's 8 HiOctane rowing! Coxswain looks like a hype gig! GOLD ALL AROUND! Go USA!!"
"Awrite, who knows the rules in this Handball shit?! It's fast & furious though!"
"WAIT A MINUTE! WTF?! Badfuqqinminton players tossed for THROWING games?! Really? Strategy My Ass! World Class WUSSES!!!"
Our personal favourite? No muthafuggling contest.
"Like I said before, those BRITS are some PEDALIN', RECORD BREAKIN', MUTHACYCLINPHUCCAS!! Congrats UK!"
No comments:
Post a Comment